Happy Easter

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Happy Easter Everyone!
Baby girl has stayed put! I will give an update later in the week.
We spent the day finishing the Nursery (pictures to come), eating good food with good friends, visiting other good friends and eating lovely desserts.
All is well in the snowy U.P.

Our Nanna

Today is my Nanna's funeral. Its a sad day for many reasons, one of which I was unable to attend. Yesterday I wrote a Speech for my Nanna that I would have delivered myself had I been there in person. I asked my mum to have someone read it for me. Nick, my cousin Leanne's fiance read it for me and I am told he was really great. I am very grateful that he was able to do that for me.

Here is the speech I put together for my Nanna:

Our Nanna

I am going to refer to Nanna as ‘Our Nanna’ – she has so many grandchildren that loved her dearly and will continue to think of her often. I am deeply saddened that I cannot be there in person to stand up and deliver this, but please know that I am thinking of you all often, especially today.

Our Nanna was a beautiful lady; she was our Queen, the structure behind the beautiful family that sits here today. Take a look around, our grandparents created this, but most of all she orchestrated it into a family that she could not be more proud of; and she was always so willing to take a step back and watch us grow.

Our Nanna was one of the most amazing women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I did not always understand her, but I knew she came with a heart of gold. More importantly she was supportive. She supported all of our decisions, and she always wanted the best for us. I hope that we have all learned that from her, to love our families unconditionally, to look for the best in situations and circumstances that are not always ideal and to laugh and dance in the days of sadness.

When I think about our Nanna, I remember laughter, she laughed and laughed and joined in whatever we would be doing at our family gatherings. I believe those were her favorite times, Sunday lunches, Holiday gatherings, Christenings and Weddings. She loved to celebrate, and more importantly loved her family all together.  So although this is a sad day for each of us as we say our goodbyes, know that her family being together was a happy occasion for her.

I consider our Nanna to be a humble lady, she didn’t require the attention to be on her in life; and now in death she would not want the focus to be on sadness; but on the happiness that we all have in our lives. So take another look around and see what she had to smile about. The most beautiful family that could exist, imperfections and all. She would want us to appreciate each other and what our future has yet to bring.

Our Nanna will be remembered by each and every one of us who knew her and loved her. Although we will miss her, her smile and her unconditional love; we should all take consolation in the memories that we have.

And here I will end, with

‘Rest in Peace to the most beautiful lady, may you be smiling and laughing with the Angels’

"Sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it passes and we remain." - Henry James

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Its one thing after another

This past week was different for me (and probably Jesse too). Our daily routines changed drastically............ go back to the '34 weeks and too early post'. It all started that day, we thought it was going to be a normal week and bam in a matter of hours it changed. After Tuesday and Thursday we were hoping I would be able to get by on limited activity but mainly staying in the house. The doctors had said I could go and teach on the days I was supposed to teach, but that's really all I could do............. oh and still make dinner! ;). I even considered going out for dinner with our friends (I feel like I haven't spent much time with them this year and it makes me sad)

By Friday evening I started having pretty regular contractions that progressed into Saturday and by Saturday evening they were 2 minutes and 45 seconds apart lasting for about 80 seconds. So we called labor and delivery and they told us to go in. So off we went in the middle of another snow storm at 8.45pm on Saturday evening. Once there I was hooked up to the monitor's for fetal heart rate and contractions. After a while the nurse told us the baby was doing well, but my contractions were a concern. The nurse said they looked pretty impressive to say I wasn't really feeling them (although I was starting to notice the period like cramping in my lower back, so I knew they were progressing), So she called the Doctor on call and started discussing options, because I am still considered on the early side of things, they did some routine things, I was hooked up to an IV and given fluids, which seemed to slow the contractions, but once the fluid was done, they came back with a vengeance :(. I was checked to see if I had dilated - which I had from Tuesday, but only to 1cm and then  was given another shot of Brethine................. its not super pleasant - it makes you hot and shaky, but it finally started to work around 2am. They kept me there till 3 and then said we could go home - but now I am really on bed rest or sofa rest! I felt really bad for Jesse because he was on call, and we got home around 3 then he was called in at 6am, and literally worked till 6pm.

We have great friends though and Christine and Stephen came and took our dogs out and Shannon and Rob brought dinner, and earlier in the week Andi and Jim sent us food too.

So over the past few days I have had to organize my class for someone to take over and just sit and work on my computer and try to keep this baby in. The brethine only seems to work for about 48 hours, so last night they started back up and have not really let up all day. I have been told that this is my baseline and if it gets worse then I have to go back in. So every 2-5 minutes I have contractions that last a while...........

We are all doing ok though, only now Jesse really has to do EVERYTHING, feed the dogs, lets them out, make dinner, laundry etc etc etc. All while trying to finish his nursing degree - could this have happened at a worse time?

Anyway - I think the photo updates might be done until we update with a baby :) - but I will continue to keep everyone in the loop with what is going on.

Where Angels go

My Nanna passed away the early hours of Saturday morning. I knew it was coming because I had talked to my family the previous day, so all through the night I kept checking my phone for updates. At 3am I heard from my sister that she had passed away. She put up a good fight, but it became too much for her. It doesn't matter how much you prepare for something like that - its still heartbreaking and sad. I didn't go back to sleep - I think I talked to my sister for along time and then I just laid there thinking - what happens to her now.

I have some traditional views and nontraditional views on what happens next. Most people know that I am not overly religious and I don't go to church on a regular basis................... but I still have beliefs. I believe that my nanna is in a better place now, somewhere where bad things don't happen and she can be carefree and happy without a worry in the world. I believe that she is somewhere magical. I say this, because I was raised to believe and see in the magic around us. My family, especially my mum did an amazing job of encouraging us to believe is something. I remember when  I was really young I used to walk around the house or wherever proudly showing people the fairies. I had fairies that I would carry in my hands and show them to people. Other people of course could not see these fairies, but they would engage in this and ask me questions and I would describe in remarkable details what the fairies were like. I think it was my nanna that asked me one day what kind of shoes they had on - I was surprised and replied that "Fairies don't wear shoes"!! of course they don't ;)!!!!.

Then one day I stopped chatting about these fairies and I was asked why............... my reply - "because another little girl needed them more than me and so I let them go". I remember I loved those fairies though, and I still believe that they exist, I just don't think they can be seen by everyone, because people believe in different things. After the fairies came Caroline, and the weird thing is, Jesse prompted me to remember her just the other night when he asked me if Caroline could be an option for our baby girl. My immediate reaction was a firm 'No'. However, it wasn't because I don't like that name. Its a beautiful name - sweet sweet Caroline. But....... Caroline was my pretend friend and I told Jesse I wasn't sure she would like that! Whaaaat  I hear some of you gasp, but Jesse just kind of looked at me funny, asked me some questions and accepted it! he accepts it because after our years together I think we have learned to respect and understand each others beliefs.

Anyway, back to Caroline............. I think Caroline was around till I was 6, maybe younger, maybe older, but I remember her............ and I know my family do too and they never tried to stop it or laugh at it because it was another chance for me to believe in something magical. It didn't stop, I believed in Santa till  I was 13, and actually I still do! I hold onto these memories dearly and I know I will forever, because they have memories of my nanna in them. She was good at encouraging them and playing a long with them, probably because she believed in them too. I think some people would be embarrassed to say they believed in the story that Santa flew through the sky with reindeer's to deliver gifts till they were 13, but I never felt that way. If I ever questioned it, they always had such wonderful stories about why it exists if you believe in your heart that it does. I know I will raise my little girl this way, I want her to experience the magic of believing in something and I will let it be her choice what that may be when she is old enough.

My point to all of this is that I believe when my nanna passed away that she went with the angels and the fairies and maybe even sweet sweet Caroline. I believe this because if she is, then she is in the most wonderful place that exists and then thats ok with me.

One Christmas Day - playing with the balloons - I am pretty sure my brother and sisters were dressing her up with them, and she just played along! Always laughing,

Always smiling

Happy St Patricks Day

When I was younger - I was completely obsessed with Care Bears - so I saw this today and figured this was my image of the week.

Speaking of the week! A lot has happened - I have three posts ready to go out - that I have backdated........ yup - so keep an eye out for them.

Happy St Patricks Day everyone

34 weeks - Too early

So last weekend starting Friday the 8th of March, I started to notice decreased activity with baby girl! Hmm, I figured maybe we were just tired, then on Sunday she kind of made me feel a little better by moving more, but still not like normal. I mentioned it to Jesse a few times and he just said take it easy (no problems, we were just starting Spring Break for the week). By the way, Liz had her baby on that Sunday, he was 1 day shy of being 33 weeks............ Beautiful baby boy names James Finn (goes by the name of Finn). He is doing great and is out of the NICU and in the nursery - he will hopefully get to go home soon!

Anyway, Monday was a normal day for me, I got up, went swimming, went to the gym (to walk on a treadmill), but I was still concerned at the lack of movement. I decided if it was the same Tuesday I would call the doctor. I essentially had a similar routine, I got up went swimming............. then I went up to my office for a couple of hours. I ate breakfast there, grabbed some candy from Terry, but still no movement. I had a lunch date with a friend, so I went to lunch and figured that would get her going - but nothing :( .............. something wasn't quite right. I called the doctor, they sent me to hospital for a non-stress test to check she was doing fine! turns out baby was ok.................. and I was having contractions that were only 2 minutes apart. They did some routine tests and gave me a shot to slow the contractions down - the shot is called Brethine. I went back Thursday morning for another non stress test and baby wasn't being active enough - so they did another ultra sound on us and everything was ok. On Thursday they also old me to keep activity down - as in I could make dinner and do small things around the house, but that was it. The cleared me to go back to work on Monday, but to only teach my one class and then to return home right after and do whatever else I had to do from home!

The beginning of my spring break turned out to be quite eventful

Happy Mothers Day (England)

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mums out there, but especially mine!

I know its not Mothers Day all over the world but in England its time to celebrate! I have told Jesse, I am super lucky because I will get to celebrate Mothers day twice a year......... I mean thats how it works right? I am British, but our baby will be British and American, so surely I get two days ;). I told him we would do it for fathers day too - but after looking further into this I see they are always on the same day.  Oh well - looks like its just me that gets two more special days a year :)

7 weeks to go

Can you believe we only have 7 weeks to go until I am 40 weeks pregnant? Where did the time go?Feels like yesterday when I first told Jesse we were pregnant!

We have both been busy with house projects! We totally changed our entryway to make it more functional when you first come in the house - we put up board and batten, added some coat hooks and changed the inside of the closet - that has no door and I like it that way :). The entry way does feel more functional, I just wish it was a closed in one so we didn't have dirt dragged through the house. I started a spring clean and cleaned out the spare bedroom, so you can actually see a bed again! Seriously you could not see the bed at all there was so much stuff piled up on it! The spring clean was also spurred on by our vacuum having a complete meltdown on Monday! First of all the belt broke - so we went to the store and bought a new belt, filter etc etc. We put everything in, Jesse started to vacuum then it just had a meltdown - literally. Jesse shouts 'the vacuum is broke' - I went to look and the insides of it had melted, and it was well and truly broken!!!! Its ok because it was relatively cheap so I guess its to be expected!. I said - 'right out next vacuum will be a Dyson'!!!!!!! BUT, I checked out the price and knew that wasn't going to happen. Then I swear by magic (yes yes I believe)........ someone we know put on facebook that they were selling their almost new Dyson for under $200....... whaaaaaaaaaat!!! so I replied immediately and bought it!!!! And that is the story of the beginning of a spring clean ;). I also started our wall gallery in the hallway where the bedrooms are, and we finally bought and built the crib (we love it). I am so hopeless at taking before and after pics, but I will take some after pics so you can at least see the house as it is now.

We still have some projects to do - but they are beginning to feel less overwhelming, and we are learning when to take a break from it so we enjoy the weekends together too! Although last Sunday, Jesse was on call and he ended up being in Surgery from 6am till almost 8pm!!! ugh!

Baby girl is 33 weeks today.......... she makes her presence known more and I can now tell when she is sleeping and when she is awake - according to the books, she is probably close to her max length - so I expect she is feeling pretty cramped up in there, but she still has a ways to go with weight gain ;). We have been getting her nursery room put together and hope it will eventually be a cosy little room for her to like sleeping in (sleeping being the key word here ;)

Here are a few pictures from Week 33 taken by Sarah Bird Photography

Blue protecting already - actually you should have seen him right before this picture - he was so crazy excited!!!

Look at this sweet boy 

belly button fully popped out now